A Pilgrimage - What a Great Idea! Post #2

Camp on the Quilcene River, early summer 2023

In early 2023, I returned from a Soul/Vision Quest with the Animas Valley Institute. After 6 months of deep descent into soul canyon, dissolving and dying to the self I had been, I was refining and connecting with the visions of my soul’s purpose. I was learning how to step into the story I was born to live.

On May 19, 2023, I was on a solo backpack trip up the Quilcene River when I got the brilliant idea to visit all the rivers on the Olympic Peninsula. In essence, the following journal excerpt inspired the spiritual pilgrimage to the rivers.

Quilcene River, May 19,20,21, 2023 Journal Entries (edited)

What joy to awaken to the sound of this songbird singing for all that is right. To the sound of the rushing of the river, the rain and the thunderstorm that did not happen. The river sings to me of forgiveness and calls me to soften and gentle. It sings the song of my ancestors; of anger and addiction we have carried for generations, of releasing anger that does not even belong to me, letting it flow downriver to the sea of healing. The river sounds are tempering the fear that is arising today. I am afraid I will never realize my desire to live from deep purpose. Day to day shit and busy-ness will take control and keep me small. I will waste this one precious gift of a life.

I am looking for a way of being that comes from self-love, not from old shame, guilt or recrimination. I am choosing to live from that place of love and valuing, not from fear. When I surrender the fear, stepping into the vision of my soul’s purpose, then I am vast. I am not waiting or biding my time - I am totally engrossed in being. I am the big picture. I am fully Now.

My ego wants to ask questions – and get some answers right freaking now thank you very much. Get it all pinned down. Who this new me is, what is the detailed plan of how she will go about delivering her gifts to the world. Patience little monkey.

This new me, She is embodied well ancestors. She is me before trauma. She is connected me. She is unaddicted me. Not concerned about clock time me. Never postpone joy me.  She is me connected to source and joy. She is River Daughter me.

I want to flow from source, to feel like I am tapped into the great mother’s never ending love. I want to be wild and free in my heart like this flowing river.

And a protector part in me says “That is not safe…it is better to be in control, not feel so much. That's how we stay safe. Rein it in sister.”

And I reply yes, that may be true and I am grateful for safety. We have all arrived intact at this point, due in part to your vigilance and protection. The thing is though, when I live the safe life, I am also half dead inside, including half dead to joy and happiness and love.

Part of the reason I am so driven to these wild rivers is that, to my soul, they represent the wild and free heart. The part of me that yearns to be free and unfettered, not be so tightly controlled and in bondage. Yes, it opens me to potential great hurt as well. But shutting everything down because hurt may happen, is no way to live.

Here is one strategy for joy and learning to flow from source this summer:

What if I were to visit every wild river on the Olympic Peninsula? I'm not even sure how many there are? 12? 13? Some kind of spiritual pilgrimage. Collect some water from all the rivers. Make a blend. Record the sounds of each. Photograph them all. Find out a little about each river’s natural history. Let each river tell me her story. Pray at each one for healing and whole-ing. How does each one teach me a lesson of connecting with joy, flowing from source, flowing freely, living wholeheartedly? Because each river has a story, and I think, her own voice. This might be an outer, “in the real world” goal that is congruent with my inner work.  

What exactly is a pilgrimage? A journey I guess, especially if it’s a long one. I think it must be a journey to someplace you consider sacred and maybe it is done as an act of devotion. I think the search for meaning or purpose is part of it.

A river pilgrimage as an act of devotion, a search for an answer to a question.  The conjecture is that my soul responds to the different rivers in different ways. That I find each river to have its own unique character and spirit.  And importantly, that something is activated within me by each river. This is not something that needs to be “proven scientifically”, because I don’t think it can be. 

It feels a little weird to plan devotional journeys to connect with beings I have never actually met. I am pretty sure I will love the rivers I have little or no experience with, and it fills me with joy to know I will meet them soon. Wow, my whole summer could be taken over by this project! Backpacking with a purpose.

I love this land so much, I want to be in right relation and reciprocity. Part of my desire to visit all these rivers is to get a sense of what I can offer them. I will ask the river spirits, the goddess of place, what I can do to honor them.

It seems like I should have some standard practice, a way to begin relating to each of the rivers I will meet. Here are some ideas:

arrive, connect, offer, listen, reflect

Arrive –

maybe there is a short prayer, with somatic gesture.

Maybe begin with three centering breaths.

Mother, I have arrived at this spot on your body (Forehead to the earth)

With my breath, I am right here, right now (touch the earth and the water)

With my sacred fire, I am present and self-engaged (hands to the belly)

I flow from source, with open heart and overflowing chalice

My body is grounded, anchored and connected (kneeling on the ground)

May I remember

Connect-

Well ancestors, guide me in connecting with the benevolent spirits of this place.

Spirits of this land, I come in a good way, seeking to pay honor to this place.

Be sure that within an hour of arriving at a river, I do a special ceremony to intimately connect with the water – by drinking it, taking that river’s water directly into my body. Speaking the prayer out loud, now I take you into me.  You will literally be a part of every cell in my body.  I honor this most intimate of connection for the gift it truly is. May this drinking in be the beginning of our sharing and friendship.

Offer –

I offer you my attention, respect & honor. I offer you this breath, this movement. I offer you this small token from my home (leave an offering I brought to the river)

Listen-

Now I engage my body to be an organ of listening. I quiet my mind, hoping that in the quiet I will truly hear. I am listening, hoping to hear what I might do to honor you, what would please you as an offering.

Enjoy –

Go have fun.  Make sure to spend some time walking IN each river, safety permitting.

Reflect –

Journal every day about what I am experiencing, what I am hearing, seeing, feeling